Over myself I think....

Ok. I think I am over myself at the moment. I thought about deleting my last post but then I though, no...it's a true statement. Depression does suck and it sucks more when you have no way to really let out the stress bottled up inside you.

I want to throw stuff. Really just toss stuff around. Random things. However, I don't. For a couple reasons. First, I can't throw hard or accurately or for any distance - like that paper airplane you toss but lands at your feet? That's me with a ball some days. So, what would the point be?

Secondly, I'd have to pick it all up. Where's the fun in going batshit crazy for a period of time tossing things about if you are the one that has to clean it all up? You spend the time cleaning bitching about the mess you made. Oh, and if anything broke? Then you bitch at yourself about the money you now have to put out to replace something.

Finally? I'd wear myself out so badly that I'd hurt for a month.

It's so difficult to communicate with normals. They just don't understand. Not to mention those peeps that spend their entire lives complaining about this ache or that pain or the one's that ask you how you feel and when you tell them say, "Now you know how I feel" or "Join the club."

Uhm, no. No, I don't really. And you have no clue how I feel. I hate those sayings. Seriously, what a freaking cop-out and rude as hell.

NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL or JOIN THE CLUB

Now you know how I feel? Why? You have MS/Fibro/Misc Neuro Condition, too? Wow. Awesome.

or...

Can I join the club? Will we get jackets? Are refreshments provided? I ask because my stomach has issues with some foods and I don't like the heartburn that comes after.

It's so hard to get people to understand how you feel. A really good friend linked me to a great article called "The Spoon Theory" by Christine Miserandino. Her website is www.butyoudontlooksick.com and is amazing. The article is a great way to explain how people with "invisible" illnesses live.

Honestly, if you know someone with Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, Fibromyalgia, or anything like that, her site is a great place to get some helpful info about how to be supportive and thoughtful.

Misplaced "friendly" and "helpful" comments are often more hurtful to our psyches than many would think. It drives me nuts to be thought an invalid. I know what my limits are and I choose to accomplish what I can with what I have, but don't think I can't do anything. I can do whatever I choose to do. It's my choice. If I choose to do something and know I'll pay the consequences for it, it is still my choice.

Like the time I went to my son's high school play the day after a really, really problem filled, complication riddled spinal tap. I went in sweats, sat on a pillow, and was on major pain pills, but I saw my son and enjoyed myself. It made me happier to be there and watch him than it would have had I stayed at home, moped, cried, and lay in bed. It was my choice.

Also, don't assume because I say I am tired that I am done for the day. Again, this is my choice. I know that if I am running low, I can rest. I rest then resume my activity that I choose to do. Don't think I'm not going to finish or I'm going to "flake" on it and take it upon yourself to either finish it for me or make excuses for my not finishing it. Back off. I know my limits.

Yes, sometimes I go over my limits, but I know the consequences and honestly, I can plan for them. If I know that something like going to my kids' activities is going to tap me then I plan for a restful next day.

I have always been a bit anal retentive about calendars and planning things, but I find I am so much more like that now. I'm a scheduler and I really get pissy when someone or something, like my health, gets in my way.

Go check out Christine's site. Venture to the links. Think of it as a fun and educational vacation into knowledge. Even now, in my 40's, I try to learn something new everyday. I encourage it in others.

Okay, I suck...

I have a bunch of posts that I haven't had the freaking energy to even copy and paste into my blog. Sorry, guys, I suck. It's not like anyone reads this shit anyway. I feel like that grumpy little dude from "Sydney White" who says "it's not about being read, it's about being written."

Whatever.

Let me tell you something, you random person that might one day read this...Depression sucks. Sucks fucking big time. Right now, I couldn't give a rat's rear end about who reads this and who doesn't. I also couldn't care less about most others right now. Right now, I have just about lost my faith in almost everyone in my life.

You have no idea. I don't even want to read right now. Nope. And if you knew me outside of the interwebz, you would understand how freaking serious that is. I love books. I love reading. Usually. But right now, I have no clue why I even bothered to charge my Kindle.

Screw Y Chromosomes. You guys just suck. Seriously. First of all, I don't really know one I can trust and count on anymore. I mean there might be a couple...like my dad....or this one friend... but I don't want to burden this one Y Chromosome with my issues because he has enough of his own.

I am not that hard to please. Honestly. Seriously. It doesn't take a lot of work. I'm fairly low maintenance. But FUCK, get with it.

Whatever

Bugger off friends that only want to be your friend when they need something. I have no issues with friends that have been there for you, and really need you. Feel that they can call you when they have a problem. BUT when they never call to say HI or Let's do coffee, or whatever...only to say, Hey, can you ...

Whatever.

Get a life, children that can't grasp it. Selfish little snots. Been there for you whenever you've needed me, but you can't be big hearted enough to even talk to me when I need you or adult enough to give others a chance.  Go buy your own food and shit.

Whatever.

I've just about had it. I'm at the end of my thread. I have no patience left, no hope, no trust in others, and certainly, no faith in government. I need a cave to crawl into and just be alone for awhile. Maybe have a good cry.

Next person that asks me for something? Fuck off. I give up.

Too bad I am too damn responsible to just quit and run away. Heaven forbid I quit my job and take care of me. I mean, then I wouldn't be able to be your mall.

To those that may actually care, I apologize for you having to read through my rant and I'll get back to regular blogs soon. Maybe. I hope.

Still Proud to be A Honker Mom!

Okay, so here is my soapbox deal of the day.

So much drama is going on today over an issue that happened last night at a JV Baseball game between my son’s school, Yuba City High School, and a local rival, Del Campo High School. Now, I’ll put this right out there, when I was in high school at Mira Loma, we didn’t think too highly of DC either. Them and El Camino HS. Rivalries Happen.

So, yesterday, game is progressing. The score is 3-3 in the 6^th inning. There has been a lot of back and forth trash talking between the teams. That happens. It’s part of the game. The next thing that happens, isn’t usually part of the game. The First Base Coach for DC said **something** (No, I have no clue what he said) to YC’s pitcher and dugout. It must have been a good one because the next thing you know, the pitcher is flinging the ball at the FB Coach. Huh? Seriously? Sigh. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on which side of this fence you are on, the ball missed the coach. However, next thing you know, the YC dugout empties and a brawl ensues. (I’ll link everything at the bottom for your perusing pleasure.)

Now, I wasn’t there. The HS baseball team was too cliquey for my son to get on so he went to performing arts. (Which he ROCKS at by the way!!) However, he’s be on Varsity by now anyway as a senior, but I digress. (I'll write a fun entry about Seussical soon.)

Here is my take on this whole nightmare. Trash talking is part of a game AND it is a game. Remember, game? Fun? Game = fun? (Just wanted to get that out there.) Rivalries happen. I had them in high school and as an avid sports fan, I have them now (hear that A’s fans!! Lol) But rivalries shouldn’t resort to violence. The comebacks and the comments shouldn’t be in good natured ribbing – no racial cracks, don’t talk about someone’s mother, etc.

Some little tart whipped out her phone and recorded the last part of the “incident” complete with her commentary (highly enlightening - NOT) and her excitement about getting to post it to YouTube. Personally, if that is your life’s ambition, you need to rethink your goals and priorities. In this video, we see the DC FB Coach chatting it up with people on the sidelines for DC. Talking about the incident. Now, honestly, insert brain filter. As a member of the coaching staff, and quite possibly the match to this fuse, he should have kept his mouth shut. This is a situation being reviewed by the respective teams and schools not onlookers. Do not discuss this outside the school offices. Highly unprofessional and definitely unsportsmanlike conduct. There are words and tones there that could be used against him.

I have a couple words that everyone on that field needs to review and permanently place in their memories. The first one is sportsmanship. Then there is compassion, responsibility, role model, and tact. No one involved, except for the referee’s as far as I could see, embraced any of these vocabulary words. Players, parents, onlookers, or coaching staff. Tempers flared and chaos ensued.

Seriously, take the ribbing like a man. It is what it is. Something to rile you up and get you off your game. If you are professional and mature about the whole thing, you’d let it roll off your back like water off a duck. Deal with it. If you let it get to you, they have won. There is no reason to start a brawl like that, ever.

Hopefully, the truth will come out, tempers will cool, and yes, unfortunately, a few boys are going to look back on this incident in 20 years and be very angry at themselves and full of regret as it may possibly ruin their baseball careers. If not just for the rest of their high school days, maybe their lives. Sad, that is. I am sure there will be suspensions and maybe an expelling due to this and I’m sad for them, but the choice was theirs: take it like a man, or act the idiot. The idiot won. Unfortunately, the idiot won for some parents, too. What an example you are setting. Wow.

I also hope that BOTH schools will dispense the appropriate amount of punishment. I am truly hoping that DC doesn’t brush this under the rug but instead, realizes the actual situation and the comments made and punish the coach adequately. While the brawl should never occurred, neither should a comment that could incite such ire have been said. I don’t know what was said and may never know, but I doubt it was appropriate.

Point is, we are all human. No one is more special than anyone else. No one is all that and a bag of chips. We all put our pants on one leg at a time and we are ALL a mirror of the school. As are the DC people. This does not shine a golden light on either school.

So, while I am disappointed in the behavior that represented YCHS last night, I am still proud to be a Honker Mom. I know too many other kids that attend that school and give it a bright and positive reputation every day. Maybe they aren’t as public as the athletic clubs. Maybe they aren’t deemed as important as the athletic clubs. But they are special, kind, amazing, intelligent, sweet, considerate, mature, and conscientious every day and that behavior makes me proud to be a Honker Mom.

http://www.advarsitysports.com/articles/city-3513-yuba-high.html

http://blogs.sacbee.com/preps/archives/2012/04/brawl-halts-jun.html

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/46948126/ns/local_news-sacramento_ca/t/del-campo-yuba-city-baseball-brawl-posted-youtube/#.T3y8c_BQ69U

http://now.msn.com/now-plus/0404-baseball-brawl.aspx

Lots of articles all over the web…sigh…the YouTube video is embedded into one of the articles, but in case you want to just see, here:

http://youtu.be/RD0Vvk7jQT8

Places to Visit - Had to Share - Too Funny

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito.  I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.  I live close so it's a short drive.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I'm in Denial, but I'm positive I've never been there before!

I have been in Deepsh-t many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there.

So far, I haven't been in Continent, but my travel agent says I'll be going soon.

Personal Notes:

I have been in Cahoots. However, if I tell you about it, I'd have to kill you.

I've been in Sane so much that I have the t-shirt, key ring, and tote bag.

I've given up in Vincible - turned in my cape and mask.

LOL, hope you are smiling, too.

Smoochies, 

DL

P.S. This is to loosen you up to a more serious post later. Sigh.

Bunnies and Buses

I have some amazing friends. Yes, I know, I really have friends. Lol

But I have some really fun friends. They’re Monkeys. Well, they are Code Monkeys. They write games. Games for Facebook and in the future, maybe for Android and iPhones. Sweet.

Well, this last weekend they got together, Code Monkeys from different companies and different areas of expertise to participate in Moly Jam 2012. This is where a bunch of Code Monkeys get together and spend 48 hours crunching banana chips and writing code to make a new game.

In the span of 48 hours, they write a new game. A playable game. And my guys wrote a cute game involving little bunny clones from space. These maniacal little fur balls are seriously evil. They are trying to keep commuters from making their bus. Now, as a bus commuter, if some little fluffy cutey-pie bunny wants to keep me off of my commuter bus, I’d be all for it. But I digress.

Here’s a link to the Bunnies and Buses info page:

http://www.whatwouldmolydeux.com/display.php?GameID=76

Go check out what I consider the best game of the weekend. A group of very talented gentlemen worked on this game who are now exhausted but thrilled with their product. I can’t seem to get past level 5 but it’s just a blast. Place bunnies in the path of the commuters and watch them suck the carrots (the commuters’ payment to ride the bus) from the commuters. If the poor commuters don’t have enough carrots to ride the bus they can’t get on. Your Fur-Filled mission is to keep them off the bus. Now, as your carrots accumulate, you can upgrade your bunnies. Their circle radius of destruction gets bigger and they can grab more carrots.

It’s a blast. A total blast and my hope is that these busy men find the time to make it Android ready. Hell, I’d download it.

Have a great night. Code Monkeys…you guys deserve bunches and bunches of bananas. And hugs, lots of hugs. I <3 you guys!!

Smoochies

Hunger Games - Movie Review

Okay, so, we went to see the movie. I can see how those that haven’t read the book would have questions. AND yes, they did change a couple things, but I understand why they did it.

I thought they did a great job. The movie was entertaining, the actors were awesome, and the sense of drama was intense in places. There was a part where both my daughter and I knew it was coming, we read the books, and we still jumped. That’s pretty awesome when a director can do that.

So hard to describe the movie without giving anything away. Sigh. But I’d give it a 4 out of 5. 

Book vs. Movie

Okay, so here is my deal today. I am an avid reader. Okay, that’s not an accurate description. I’m a voracious reader. I devour books. I love the written word. I’ll usually read anything….at least once.

Which brings me today’s issue. What the hell is it with people that complain about movies without reading the books they are based on?

Now, I have seen a movie and found out after that there was a book beforehand and if the movie had peaked my interest, then I’ll go find the book and read it. It’s happened. True, the reverse has also happened where I have seen a movie and have NO desire to read the book it came from.

I am currently in a debate with a co-worker about The Hunger Games.

I read the first book at the request of my daughter who, knowing where my tastes run, suggested that I would like it. Okay. It was a simple request, since my daughter and I have a lot of the same tastes in books and movies, suggestions to each other are usually met with interest.

Now, back to my co-worker, he has stated that he does not read unless forced. The last book he read was because it was assigned for a class. Sigh. That is the only way that he has read any of the classics, few as that may have been. I asked him about Shakespeare, Hemingway, Orwell, etc., only read in school. I asked him if he had read Animal Farm, no. Hell, I read that book in 5^th grade.

So, this brings us to The Hunger Games. Now, I haven’t seen the movie yet. I am going tomorrow evening with my kids and their friends. I can’t wait. I have read the complete trilogy and therefore, am looking forward to seeing the interpretation of the director. Always entertaining. LOL

My co-worker has seen it and knowing that I have read the books, has been in my office every day this week asking me questions about it. My main answer now, after trying to explain things to him, is “Read the damn book.” No joke.

Why do they make the kids kill each other in the arena? It’s explained in the book. I then tried to explain the situation of the post-apocalyptic environment and the Capital’s desire to keep everyone under their thumb. Hmmmmm….. Then he comes back with “Why?” again. Ugh. I compare it to the Romans with the Christians and lions. Entertainment value for the citizens of the Capital. “But why?” Grrr… seriously? How old are we? Five? So then I compare the arena fighting to the gladiators. “But they were more evenly matched?” **OMFG** Back to Christians and Lions. He seems to get that part. For now.

Then the whole issue of the uproar of the tributes from District 11, about how people are upset that the characters were of a certain racial background. (Was that politically correct enough? Mind you my co-worker and I are of two different racial backgrounds even different from the D11 Tribs.) Seriously? This is an issue here? Again **OMFG** Read the damn book. It describes in the book how the people from District 11 are all a dark skinned people. There are a ton of different races on this earth all with varying skin colors. (This is a whole other rant for me, but I digress…that one is later.)

Then the questions about how are they picked, why aren’t they the same ages, why does a poor district need a baker, where do they get flour, etc., etc., etc.

I swear I am going to scream. So, to keep me sane, here is a piece of advice….

READ THE DAMN BOOK!!