Friday, June 17, 2011

The Trouble with Reality

The trouble with reality is it tends to kick you in the ass especially when you are down. I've decided to take my blog in a couple directions. If you are subscribed to it and start finding what I say or think iffy, unsub. I'm tired of saying everything that everyone expects.

First of all, small update. Gene had his 10th knee surgery yesterday, 5th on his left knee. Had to catch up to the right knee after all. As it was the 10th knee surgery, I somehow felt that I should throw a party but I digress.

As for me and why I'm starting to redirect my blog is that I've gone through about 2 1/2 years now of testing trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. We've managed to rule out Lupus, Thyroid, Lyme Disease, and a multitude of others. a diagnosis of exclusion, we've started with Fibromyalgia. I have always thought that this was a disease/syndrome that was bogus. I've learned differently. While I still believe that it's symptoms can be "faked" by those that just want pain pills or an excuse not to work or get on disability (which with Fibro it's hard as hell), I have found that it's a nasty little thing if you do really have it. We still haven't completely given up the testing for MS but since you can have Fibro and CFS with MS, it's still possible.

I have joined and quit more Fibro support groups than I can count. I am tired of people that just sit around and whine. My doctor said to watch out for depression since the meds I am on and the limits I have on my activities cause a drop in serotonin in the brain thus causing depression. I am at a point where I'm not depressed, I'm pissed off. I'm frustrated, upset, annoyed and pissed off. However, I do have days where I get so frustrated that I do get moody, but it's usually because I don't get the help I need to get things done. I'd probably be frustrated and upset about those items if I didn't have Fibro.

So, the doc's also think I have some type of immune deficiency. It's a long hard process and I'm smack in the middle of it.

I hate it. Period. It has been a really rough day and I have a feeling there are going to be a lot more... Reality bites.