Thursday, March 22, 2012

Children - Lovable Midgets or Pawns? And Marriage - Civil Unions for Everyone!!

Okay, my rant for the day. My inner bitch clawed her way out of her box today when I read an article the other day about Gay Marriage and what happens to children of same sex couples when they split up. Grr..she was spitting fire. My scales were flaming because this is dredging up the Federal Law regarding the rights of sperm and egg donors and their rights to child rearing and visitation.

According to the law, sperm and egg donors have no legal rights to the child born using their donations via in-vitro fertilization. Okay, I get that. But when the egg belongs to a woman in a same sex relationship, and is inserted into the partner, with all intentions of raising this child as theirs, together, there are rights here.

This is no different than a woman giving an egg to a surrogate when she can’t carry to term. Is the surrogate given parental rights because she was the “birth” mother? Not usually.

To me, this is fairly cut and dry. If you used any medical procedure to gestate a child to be raised and loved by you and your partner, regardless of sex, then the two partners both have equal rights to the child in visitation, custody, and love. They both have a right to monitor the health and raising of that child just like a hetero couple.

If one partner gives up their rights, then that is different. But if you gave birth using your partners egg? Deal with it, you may be the “birth” mother but you wouldn’t have that child without the egg of your partner. How difficult is this to figure out? Blarg. Race, sex, marital status has nothing to do with this. It is all about parental rights of a partnership of people committed to loving, caring, and raising a child. That child should never be a pawn in your relationship squabbles. If you do not want to be with your partner anymore, respect the child’s right to know both parents. Quit short changing your child for your petty arguments.

Unfortunately, this discussion then deteriorated into a discussion based on faith and the moral wrongness of same sex marriage. This is what lit my inner bitch’s fire. She was ticked.

We, as a general rule, have become lazy. All of us. We use the term “marriage” and “marry” for so many meanings that we forget the basis of the word. I mean, I can get really technical and quote my boyfriend, Webster, and list the meaning of the word but we could argue that to the end of days. I mean we use the word “marry” in construction when “marrying” two joints together in carpentry or welding. Am I the only girl that knows this? I know I am not.

I had this discussion with a friend of mine regarding the differences between Marriage and Civil Union.

There is a difference, but maybe not the one you are thinking of right now. I am not talking about the spousal rights, religious, or governmental rights of an individual in a relationship, per se, but something just a tad different and I want others to really think about it.

There is a difference between "marriage" and a civil union. A "marriage" is religious, whereas, a "civil union" is legal. You notice you have to have a license for both your church and the state in order to get “married”. "Marriage" has become synonymous for both. So, you enter into marriage in a church while at the same time entering into a civil contract under the state. If you got married in a church but not with the state legal union document, it would be recognized in the church only, not the state. Making it impossible for you to claim spousal rights in an employment or governmental situation. And Vice Versa, if you got civilly "married" at the recorder's office, it wouldn't be recognized by most religions because you weren't married in a church. You need both for religious, but one for legal.
Leave them alone. There should never be anything different in a civil union for a hetero couple and a civil union for a gay couple. Period. Churches are for religious relationships with one's higher power, not legal. Keep your religion out of my rights. Your civil union giving you spousal rights to your significant other's employment benefits, or anything else for that matter, should never be different from another couple's EVER - regardless of religious or sexual preference. It's like saying that a Catholic marriage is more "legal" than a Protestant one. Get over it. Keep religion out of it.
Let’s remember that Church and State are separate for a reason. There are too many people trying to blur or erase those lines. Not cool.

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